Sunday, February 25, 2024
HomeLifestyleRelationships & DatingHe Wants Me To Be His Side Chick: What Should I Do?

He Wants Me To Be His Side Chick: What Should I Do?

Love is the most beautiful feeling in the world—imagine having someone give you all his attention, whisper sweet and tender words to your ear, the constant reminders of how beautiful you are and how much they value you…

Glorious, isn’t it?

Well, when we find ourselves in such a situation, it is easy to just get carried away by the emotions, so much so that we ignore some warning signs.

We cannot choose who we love—the heart wants what it wants after all.

At times, we are naturally drawn to people who are nice to us the more we spend time together.

In our social interactions, you cannot simply say that you never want to hang out with a married man.

Besides, unless you become a nun, we all work side by side with people from all walks of life. Among them are both single and married men.

So, let’s assume a married man walks up to you and asks you to be his side chick.

He is kind towards you, and feelings toward him are beginning to stir up. What are you supposed to do in such a case?

I know people will tell you:

  • “He will leave you eventually”
  • “He’s only going to use and dump you”
  • “If he couldn’t be true to his partner, what makes you think he will be true to you?”

 Let’s talk about something that you have not yet heard (a personal experience):

Reason You Should ‘Run for Your Life’

When I was younger, I found myself in a similar situation.

There was this friend of mine who was in a commitment, but not very happy from what I could see.

We started out as hanging out buddies in a large group, and slowly withdrew ourselves and started hanging out just the two of us.

Our relationship was purely platonic as we would just sit, have coffee, and talk about the world’s happenings in general.

As time flew, our connection grew stronger, and the moment I realized I had fallen deeply in love with him, I just ran.

After all, all my research yielded was that a married man will never truly love you, and the fling will only last six months, tops.

The guy was quite persistent and kept in touch, until one day when I had to tell him exactly why I did not want to see him anymore.

To my surprise, he shared the same feelings, and had a hard time getting rid of them, until he decided not to.

So we kept seeing each other.

Talk about being naive; I had thought that knowing he was married was enough to keep me from having a relationship with him.

Before long, we were dating and spending all of our free time together, and oh how beautiful it was!

The beauty and purity of our love hindered me from noticing his use of words.

Instead of telling me he had plans of leaving his partner, he would say, “Babe, we may not know what the future holds, but I definitely envision us being a part of it in a more significant way.”

He would burn with jealousy every time he saw single guys making a pass at me, even though I was not interested.

We got through the first six months even without noticing. That’s just how good it was.

I knew to keep in my lane, never asking for anything from him. After all, I wanted to willingly receive whatever he offered.

Immediately after we started dating, he withheld intimacy with his partner.

A year and a few months down the line, his ring was off.

 Four years later, he was sleeping in a separate room, and his siblings were made aware of our relationship.

Through all this, he was not leaving. But he was making an effort, and I could see it.

True, there were reasons that made our relationship truly special, especially since the guy had a deep respect for my morals.

What’s more, his colleagues and my siblings knew about our relationship, and I had met his entire family in a function.

The fact of the matter is, even through all this, lack of commitment was not so evident.

But years went on and he wasn’t leaving his partner.

 In the end, when I decided to confront him about it, he said that I knew he was married even before we began dating, and he was not going to leave.

We started out well, but pain started piling up in my heart without my knowledge—pain that slowly turned into hate.

The feeling of knowing someone held you back from moving on with your life for years but still wants to keep up the appearance of a happy home in front of his family really changes you.

I later realized that there were a bunch of lies he had told with his defense being protecting me from hurt, but in reality, he just wanted to keep me in his life thinking his marriage had failed.

So, What Should You Do If He Asks You To Be His Side Chick?

1. Be Realistic

If he asks you to be his side chic, he wants just that!

Do not fall for “It is you I love, not her.” That is just a line men use to make you feel special, like you are everything they have ever wanted.

And not unless he is in the middle of a divorce or separation, just know that he will never be yours.

If he truly loves you, he will leave before even making a move on you.

2. Remember: There’s A Thin Line between Love and Hate

You might be genuinely in love with this person, and he might love you just as much.

But so long as you keep hoping for something that will never come, hatred will begin to build up in your heart toward him.

A wise man once said, “Expectations postponed make the heart sick.”

The pain of feeling used and taken for granted could lead you to do something you are not proud of later.

3. Know Your Worth

I believe every girl deserves a man who loves her genuinely, one who would move mountains for her.

You shouldn’t be fighting to share a man with someone else.

Rather, wait for a guy who cannot wait to come home to you at the end of the day, a man who wants to raise a family with you, and a man who will go to great lengths to make it happen.

When it gets hard to let go or say no, try harder.

Remember that the ending is more important than the beginning.

Never rush things, just let them flow.

4. Set Your Standards

People change their interests and personality as they grow.

Maybe the man’s intentions are pure, and he is on his way out of the previous relationship and ready to settle down with you.

Whatever the case, refrain yourself from getting into a commitment with him.

Tell him that you will only date him after he has broken free.

No woman who respects herself should be a mistress.

5. Measure Twice, Cut Once

We tend to be selfish when it comes to love.

But remember that single or not, this man will always have a responsibility towards his other family.

For example, even after he leaves, he will still maintain a relationship with his children.

Are you willing to share your man, or will it be killing you every time he runs to his children when they need him?

Are you able to love his other kids as much as you will love yours, even when they despise and blame you for their family breaking?

Yes, love is beautiful. But at times, the price could be so high that it weighs you down, which will result in you guys separating in the end.  

Chrisa Sayi

Dr. Chrisa Sayi is a distinguished clinical psychologist, renowned author, and gobally recognized relationship expert. With a decade of experience, she has guided numerous couples toward healthier, more fulfilling connections. Dr. Sayi has shared his invaluable insights at over 30 conferences and penned over 100 professional articles and books. Her expertise has been featured in many reputable publications, including Glamour, Medium, Daily Nation, Awakening Africa, Reader's Digest, Bustle, UpJourney, Fatherly, The Zoe Report, Cosmopolitan, and many more. For further engagement, you can connect with Dr. Chrisa Sayi on Twitter via @DrChrisaSayi1.

Chrisa Sayi
Chrisa Sayihttp://kenyalogue.com
Dr. Chrisa Sayi is a distinguished clinical psychologist, renowned author, and gobally recognized relationship expert. With a decade of experience, she has guided numerous couples toward healthier, more fulfilling connections. Dr. Sayi has shared his invaluable insights at over 30 conferences and penned over 100 professional articles and books. Her expertise has been featured in many reputable publications, including Glamour, Medium, Daily Nation, Awakening Africa, Reader's Digest, Bustle, UpJourney, Fatherly, The Zoe Report, Cosmopolitan, and many more. For further engagement, you can connect with Dr. Chrisa Sayi on Twitter via @DrChrisaSayi1.
RELATED ARTICLES

Most Popular

Recent Comments