Narcissism is a subtle relationship killer.
When you are dating or married to a person with narcissistic personality disorder (NDP), you are in for a challenging ride.
Such individuals have less regard for the feelings of others.
Instead, they believe that they are superior to them and that their needs must be met first.
They also demand a deep sense of admiration and will go to great lengths to get it.
They are always right, know everything, react negatively to correction, always need affirmation, and their lips are filled with empty promises.
The sad reality about narcissism is that the victims are seldom aware of its magnitude.
Some are blissfully unaware it is there in the first place. This is largely because narcissists have mastered an array of manipulation tools used against their partners.
One of them is future faking.
In this post, I will try to answer the question of whether narcissists know they are faking the future or not.
What Is Future Faking?
Before we go any further, let’s understand the term ‘future faking’ first.
Health.com defines it as a situation whereby someone paints a detailed picture of the future to enhance connection and bonding in a romantic relationship.
Narcissists ideally promise a blissful future so they can keep their partners around.
They can promise to get therapy, start a business or build a home without really thinking about doing it.
This, they do to get something at the moment. For instance, they may ask for a loan with the promise that they will use it for the betterment of the family.
If they have a problem with alcohol abuse, they will promise to go to AA meetings if their spouse threatens to leave them.
Future faking preys on the goals and dreams of the victim in order to create a fake future while stringing you in the now.
The promises are empty and the narcissist has no plan of fulfilling them.
This is a form of manipulation geared towards helping them with what they want in the now.
Alongside future faking, narcissists also use passive and active abuse and other forms of control.
They play their game so well that in the end, they leave you believing the pattern of lies. The painted future is charming and magnetic.
So, Are Narcissists Aware That They May Be Future Faking?
If you are in a relationship with a person struggling with NPD, you may wonder if they are aware that they are future faking or not.
Are they really intentional about keeping their promises or are spewing mere words without any plan of keeping them?
Are they even aware that they have a behavioral issue in the first place?
Well, it is pretty hard to know if future faking is intentional or unintentional.
One person may know what they are doing while another one is completely unaware that they are future faking.
Generally, it is less likely that a narcissist knows the impact of his behavior on others.
In their world, they are normal and need no help at all.
Dr. Ramani, a psychologist and author claims that narcissistic individuals do what they need to do to get what they want at the moment.
They will lie and make fake promises to achieve their present desires.
If the spouse threatens to leave, they will quickly draw up a future that speaks to the heart of the victim causing them to rethink their exit.
At the moment of making future promises, the narcissist isn’t really thinking about making any changes to their lives.
If they are abusers, they aren’t thinking about getting any help.
They are only concerned about how to get what they want at that moment.
In their mind, what they are promising is feasible. Without any plan of action, they believe they will give you what they say they will.
The person may even make some slight changes towards their betterment but eventually, the behavior will come back.
An article in Psychology Today also points to the fact that narcissism is impulsive.
They jump on the deep end too fast without thinking about their promises critically.
At the moment, they believe that what they are promising is doable.
Many of them are actually sincere with their words. The problem is that they overpromise and once they realize they cannot keep the promise, they coin even more lies to get more of what they want.
The whole time, they don’t realize what their behavior is doing to you. Your feelings simply don’t matter.
Being caught on the web with a narcissistic person is hands down one of the most challenging things in the world.
They will have you believe in something that’s not real.
They will future fake in a way that excites you and gets you to hope for a bright future.
Unfortunately, it never comes.
The earlier you discover the pattern and break it, the better for you.