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Can You Marry Someone You’re Not Sexually Compatible With?

Sex and marriage go hand in hand.

Ask any couple that’s happily married and they will confirm this.

Granted, there are other things that keep a marriage but sex is somewhere at the top of the list.

 Some people argue that it is at the very top. Without it, a marriage would be unhealthy, boring, and may eventually die.

That begs the question of whether sexual incompatibility is important in marriage.

Can two people who aren’t sexually incompatible marry and live happy long lives?

Perhaps you are asking this question if you haven’t been intimate with your partner and are about to enter into marriage.

Or, you are intimate but you are incompatible with your spouse and are planning your wedding.

Maybe you are just curious about the whole thing.

Well, this post will serve as a quick guide of what yu need to know.

Sexual Incompatibility Can Negatively Affect Your Marriage

According to the Very Well Mind website, sex is beneficial in marriage in more ways than one.

When you have sex more, you lower your chances of having blood pressure, stress, heart attacks, and body pains.

It also causes feelings of happiness, greater intimacy, and a good self-image.

In a monogamous relationship, sex can increase your commitment and connection with your spouse.

 In turn, it increases your chances of staying with that person for the long haul.

Marrying Someone You Aren’t Sexually Compatible With: Is it Possible?

To say that sexual compatibility is the only thing that keeps a marriage would be a lie.

Plenty of sexually compatible couples have had a divorce in the past.

Nevertheless, there’s no denying that couples that have the same sexual energies have a better chance at a satisfying marriage.

When you and your partner have similar sexual preferences, frequencies, and even turn-ons, sex will come much easy for you both.

The opposite is also true. Couples that have very different sexual energies have a hard time in marriage.

Sexual compatibility is a big deal among some couples. This is where you should be very careful about who to marry.

 If one spouse has a very high libido while another one is on the opposite side of the spectrum, trouble will arise. One will always feel unsatisfied while the other feels okay.

 Medical News Today claims that partners with high sex drives who experience rejection when they want sex are likely to develop self-esteem issues. They also tend to be resentful towards their partners.

On the other hand, those with a lower drive are always left feeling pressured, guilty, and overwhelmed. 

A study done on sex drives and marriage shows that libido discrepancies have a compounding effect on a couple’s overall satisfaction.

Low sex satisfaction is reported to cause 50-70% of overall satisfaction compared to high sexual satisfaction which is 15-20%.

The effects are more pronounced in couples in long-term relationships than in short ones.

Besides libido issues, other aspects of sexual incompatibility such as beliefs in intimacy can affect things greatly.

For instance, one person in the relationship may believe that sex refers to contact of the sexual organs only while another is open to oral, anal, and manual sex.

 In another case, one person prefers sex in the dark while another can do it in the middle of the day.

These differences are bound to cause problems that will affect the relationship down the line.

It may not cost the marriage completely but it will cause tension and stress that can be difficult to work through.

But, All Hope Is Not Lost

While sexual incompatibility is a real nightmare in marriage, it has solutions.

If you are in a relationship with a kind and caring person that basically ticks all boxes except sexual compatibility, think first before taking off.

Some people are married to spouses who are sexually compatible but lack the most important attributes and thus suffer greatly in marriage.

According to Healthline, it all comes down to how big the differences are, how flexible you can be, and the effort put in to change things.

For instance, if your partner wants sex once a week when you want it thrice, you can find a compromise.

However, if you are a once-a-month kind of person while your person needs it every day, things can be difficult for you.

 Your flexibility and that of your partner with sex also play a big role.

Both parties should be open to trying different things to satisfy the other.

Can you reach a middle ground on what is agreeable to both of you?

Finally, are both of you willing to put effort to improve your sex lives? If yes, you have a chance of making things work.

Start by communicating your concerns to your partner. Look out for the above. If there’s no willingness and effort to change, your marriage will be a tall order.

With that said, some things are deal-breakers in monogamous relationships. These include polygamy, polyandry, swinging, and sex orgies.

If one spouse is strongly against these lifestyles while one desires them, things will become very complicated.

Find out early enough if your partner subscribes to any of these patterns.

 If they do, establish if you’d be open to it as well. If not, you have a decision to make.

Parting Thoughts

In marriage, love and affection aren’t enough to keep the bond alive.

A good sense of intimacy is bound to cause your marriage to prosper and blossom.

 As such, sexual compatibility between spouses is a major plus.

Still, even couples that are considered incompatible can make things work.

The decision is up to you to see where your situation lies and what to do.

Chrisa Sayi

Dr. Chrisa Sayi is a distinguished clinical psychologist, renowned author, and gobally recognized relationship expert. With a decade of experience, she has guided numerous couples toward healthier, more fulfilling connections. Dr. Sayi has shared his invaluable insights at over 30 conferences and penned over 100 professional articles and books. Her expertise has been featured in many reputable publications, including Glamour, Medium, Daily Nation, Awakening Africa, Reader's Digest, Bustle, UpJourney, Fatherly, The Zoe Report, Cosmopolitan, and many more. For further engagement, you can connect with Dr. Chrisa Sayi on Twitter via @DrChrisaSayi1.

Chrisa Sayihttp://kenyalogue.com
Dr. Chrisa Sayi is a distinguished clinical psychologist, renowned author, and gobally recognized relationship expert. With a decade of experience, she has guided numerous couples toward healthier, more fulfilling connections. Dr. Sayi has shared his invaluable insights at over 30 conferences and penned over 100 professional articles and books. Her expertise has been featured in many reputable publications, including Glamour, Medium, Daily Nation, Awakening Africa, Reader's Digest, Bustle, UpJourney, Fatherly, The Zoe Report, Cosmopolitan, and many more. For further engagement, you can connect with Dr. Chrisa Sayi on Twitter via @DrChrisaSayi1.
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