Incest is considered a taboo in most communities, ours included.
And that has always created a barrier in matters concerning sexual attraction and relationships among close family members.
Being raised in a community aware of these facts, we automatically do not expect a father-daughter relationship to be complicated.
In fact, this bond is very special to every girl since it elevates her self-esteem, enhances her ability to engage with men as an adult, makes her feel secure in their company, and equips her to manage daily stress without the potential for anxiety or depression.
Most importantly, a girl who shares a close relationship with her father can express herself and her feelings much better.
However, in some cases, things do get weird between a father and his daughter, mainly when he develops an attraction towards her.
This could be agonizing to you as his wife, putting you in a dilemma situation where you are unsure what to do.
In this post, I will shed more light on how you can deal with the said situation more effectively.
But before I do that, let me answer the most crucial question at this point…
Is It Normal For A Father To Be Attracted To His Daughter?
Attraction doesn’t necessarily have to be sexual.
Though not entertained or openly discussed, it is normal for a father to find his daughter attractive.
After all, despite being his blood and all, she is a female.
That is the reason why in most African communities, certain forms of dressing are discouraged when a woman is around her father.
For instance, walking around the house in a towel or wearing revealing clothes is not allowed in most homes, especially ones where the woman of the house is cautious and protective of her own.
Why Your Husband Might Be Attracted To His Daughter
There could be reasons behind your husband’s attraction to his daughter, including:
- If your husband is attracted to a daughter you both share, it is easy to establish why that is. There could be a striking resemblance between your daughter and yourself—be it physical or simply your conduct. It’s no wonder he has grown to adore her so much.
- If your husband had a daughter with his deceased first wife, she likely reminds him of her. By seeking solace from his grief in her, he could feel as though he is spending time with his lost love and become drawn to her with time.
- His daughter could be quite pretty, and so he is attracted to her as a result of a sense of pride.
- In some rare cases, the attraction could result from Genetic Sexual Attraction, especially if your husband was absent for most of his daughter’s life growing up. Though not scientifically proven, psychology suggests that GSA is a real issue affecting family members who meet for the first time as adults.
So long as a father strives to keep his attraction at bay and maintain a healthy relationship with his daughter, that is okay.
The issue will arise if his appeal turns into a sexual one, and his conduct shows no attempts to fight those feelings.
With the reasons behind the attraction laid out, let us consider factors that will help us better understand the situation and devise a solution.
These factors are questions you should ask yourself to determine how to best deal with the situation.
Remember that we want to get all the facts, not act on mere suspicions.
You can confront your husband, set boundaries for their interactions, or seek professional help.
Whichever you choose should be based on the facts you have gathered.
What Is The Nature Of Their Relationship?
Understanding how your husband relates with his daughter is essential.
It will help you differentiate between his close relationship with his daughter and his attraction.
Let’s expand on this by discussing three scenarios.
Scenario 1: He and His Daughter Have Always Been Close
In cases where a husband has had a close bond with his daughter since she was a child, it might be hard for him to be aware that he is attracted to her.
Eventually, ‘daddy’s girl’ becomes a fully developed woman.
She doesn’t just wake up one day with all the curves; it happens gradually.
Daddy might notice this new development but not pay much attention to it.
If he has been close to his daughter since childhood, your husband’s attraction could be innocent, but it might take a wrong turn if left unchecked.
In such a case, you can talk to your husband and his daughter about the situation.
Be calm, lest you come off as a jealous rival who views his daughter as ‘the other woman’.
Talk to each of them separately to avoid embarrassing them.
Depending on his daughter’s age, be careful with your words to prevent agitating or giving her inappropriate ideas.
Scenario 2: Your Husband Has Recently Developed a Close Relationship with His Daughter
If your husband is only establishing a close relationship with his daughter now, this could be an enormous red flag, especially if she recently hit puberty.
It could indicate that he is developing a sexual attraction to his daughter as her physique changes.
“Confront” is a strong word. Most of the time, it involves pointing fingers and arguing.
Practicing self-control will help you deal with the situation maturely.
But don’t compromise. Be calm and firm at the same time when discussing the situation with your husband.
Advise him to seek therapy for a continued healthy relationship with his daughter and yourself.
Scenario 3: Your Husband Just Reconnected With His Long-Lost Daughter
It is normal for a father to want to make up for lost time when he reconnects with his long-lost daughter.
While you need to selflessly allow them enough time to reconnect, if your husband is meeting his daughter as an adult after a really long time, he could become drawn to her in the process of getting to know each other.
Here, it could be a bit challenging to know whether your husband is attracted to his daughter. But do not ignore your suspicions.
If you sense some attraction, you could try to develop a relationship with your husband’s daughter, even if she isn’t your child.
If your husband’s intentions are pure, he will have no issues with that.
Ask them to connect in the house when you are around.
At this point, you might need to use your sixth sense to be certain of any attraction.
If you notice some, talk to your husband about it.
Present him with facts so he won’t deny them, and then decide on a way forward together.
Whether to distance himself or seek therapy, make a decision that will favor your marriage and his relationship with his daughter.
How Is Your Husband Handling It?
A father can become attracted to his daughter; it is inevitable.
Since it is pretty shameful, he might be unable to discuss it with you.
However, consider his feelings and observe how he deals with the situation. You don’t need to intervene right away.
For example, aware of our customs and traditions, your husband could be trying to navigate away from his feelings.
Regardless of the price he will pay, he could start distancing himself from his daughter momentarily or asking you to join them whenever they spend time together.
If this is the case, instead of a confrontation, your husband deserves admiration.
For some men, fighting the attraction toward their daughters is not as easy as we think.
In the event he acts on his attraction, immediate intervention is necessary.
It could indicate a severe psychological disorder that needs attention.
Therefore, no matter how painful it might be on you, try to be calm while confronting him.
It doesn’t make it any better doing so in the company of his daughter.
In fact, it could make it worse. Reason with him until he sees the danger he’s getting into and help him get through counseling.
Your husband might fight his attraction but end up engaging in self-destructive behaviors such as drinking, watching pornography, and masturbating.
In such a case, why not advise that he goes to therapy instead of confronting him directly?
After all, he is really trying to fight the unnatural desires.
Is His Daughter Aware Of The Situation? If So, What’s Her Reaction To It?
We all know that men are weak when it comes to visual restraints.
And as women get older, they become aware of their surroundings.
If his daughter is unaware of your husband’s attraction and hasn’t conducted herself in a manner you feel could be sexually appealing to him, there is no need to involve her.
Compose yourself and approach your husband at the most opportune time. Remember, your aim is to help, not provoke.
Girls love attention. If you notice his daughter entertaining your husband’s attraction toward her, you might need to have a sit-down and lay out the facts.
Help her understand the risk involved in trying to seduce her father and enforce measures that will protect your husband.
A father-daughter bond is one of the most beautiful relationships in the world.
As we mentioned earlier, a father plays a huge role in shaping the woman his daughter turns out to be.
So, when handling a situation that could interfere with that bond, you must use your head, not your emotions.
Ensure that you have all the facts before pointing fingers.
As the woman of the house, you want to protect your family from unnecessary hurt or shame, so gathering facts first will indicate that your concern is not fueled by jealousy.
Once you have established the nature of the relationship your husband and daughter share and the possible outcome, applying the advice outlined in this post will help you save your marriage and promote a healthy relationship between your husband and his daughter.