So you have been going out with someone for a couple of times now, and your feelings for them are quite clear.
Getting through the first date was the toughest task, but you did it. Congratulations!
And it did not end there…You went out a second and third time.
The endless hours talking, sharing your life stories, likes and dislikes only made you realize how much you liked each other.
You have eased into having the other person around, and feel like you have been enjoying their company all your life.
But there is more; you still have to get past the “Four Date Rule”. This is the date that will determine greatly what direction your relationship will be taking from now on.
Being one of the most important dates, you are probably asking yourself a couple of questions, including this common one: who should initiate the date?
According to dating tradition and experts, the man should be allowed to take the lead in matters pertaining to early stages of a relationship.
This is a complex situation though, since people and preferences are different.
What do I mean?
Well, let us look at opinions regarding the two possible scenarios.
Men Who Take Lead
In my experience, most men prefer to take the lead.
And when a woman asks them out, they withdraw stating things such as, “Who will be making decisions around the house?” “Who will be the family head?”
Things may have changed over the years, but in my culture, these are actual concerns men share.
Actually my best friend lost interest in a girl he liked simply because she approached him asking to go on a date after work. This was in the very early stages of their relationship, and he was really into her.
In his excuse he told me, “Every time I saw her talking and laughing with a man after that, in my head I always assumed she was busy flirting or asking him out as well.”
Obviously as a lady, I found that completely absurd, but you get the point, right?
It makes a man proud to be the one pursuing a girl, asking her out and paying the bill, at least until the relationship becomes firmly cemented.
Women Who Initiate
Now there is this other group of men who do not feel intimidated by strong women.
To them, a woman initiating the fourth date does not make them appear ‘too desperate’, ‘aggressive’, or as ‘coming off too strong’.
These men are quite few, but they are out there.
Their argument is, “Well, how else am I going to tell that she likes me about as much as I like her?”
There are different notions that go around regarding this sort of men, but if you like him, who’s judging?
The bottom line is, by the fourth date, you guys have had endless talks about how you like things done.
And I am not simply referring to the three or four hours you have both spent together talking during your previous dates, no.
On top of that, you have spent hours on the phone texting and calling each other.
So, if your man prefers to take the lead, you already know that, and I’m pretty sure you will not just go ahead and ruin it by asking him out against his wishes.
And if your woman prefers to stand an equal chance at asking you out, as the guy, you know that already at this point. After all, there really isn’t a rule on who should do what and when.
To this end, who should initiate the fourth date?
Let’s cut to the chase. Who initiates the date will depend on the following factors:
As I mentioned earlier, my culture discouraged us as women, from an early age, from making some moves, such as asking a man out.
However, this is no big deal in some regions. To some, a woman can even ask a guy out on the very first date.
By end of the third date, you already know the kind of environment the person you are dating grew up in as well.
Let this guide you in deciding whether it is okay for you as a chic to ask your man out.
2. Individual Preference
It would be best to have a conversation regarding who should ask the other person out next. This will save both parties embarrassment and disappointments.
As a woman, feel free to casually ask the guy if he’s okay with you making plans for the next date in your conversations.
I say ‘casual’ because we don’t want to make the man feel ambushed and thus unable to answer truthfully.
And you guys, if you know her asking you out would throw you off-balance, or tick you off, let her know the moment you start to feel comfortable talking freely.
3. Nature of Your Relationship
Some people get the rare opportunity to date someone they are already acquitted with, some even their friends.
In such a case, anything goes, and no harsh judgements or negative feelings will fly around.
But in cases where the person you are dating is new, you might want to think twice your decision and put the above to factors into consideration.
Dating is not easy, and in most cases, trying to follow someone else’s way of doing things never ends well.
Therefore, when it comes to an issue such as initiating a fourth date, why not just go with the flow?
Besides, you are not as nervous as you were when you first went out.
Provided you put into consideration the factors highlighted herein, have an understanding, and put the other person’s interests before your own.
Because when all is said and done, anyone can initiate the fourth date.