Most people believe that the first love always leaves an imprint on one’s heart that lasts forever.
Maybe, that is the reason we always remember our first lovers and always try to perfect the second love to be better than the first love.
So, does this reasoning also apply to the second marriage?
While men are believed to be naturally polygamous, sometimes finding a second wife that gives you an emotional connection than the first wife is almost impossible.
However, this does not mean that you cannot get someone better than your first wife.
Yes, you will always find other attractive, intelligent, and compatible women after getting married.
But before settling with her as your second wife, you need to ask yourself questions like, is it true love?
Let’s investigate…
Is The Second Marriage True Love Or Infatuation?
Before delving deeper into the possibility of the second marriage being true love, it is wise to understand what true love and infatuation mean.
Generally, infatuation is an intense romantic feeling and fascination towards someone you don’t know well.
The feeling can be strong and addictive at first, but the emotional connection tends to weaken as you get to know the person.
Most people understand infatuation as love at first sight, which can grow stronger or weaker as time moves.
True love, on the other hand, is a strong emotional and sexual connection towards someone you know better and ready to accept their good and bad sides.
It differs from infatuation such that true love takes time to grow and often comes after a mutual acceptance between two parties.
In most cases, true love is way above the feeling and requires efforts from both sides to overcome challenges and choose to be together in any situation.
With that in mind, it is now time to ask yourself if your second marriage was out of true love or infatuation.
While it is challenging to tell the difference, some aspects can help you tell if you are truly in love or just obsessed with the second wife.
Here are a few tips:
1. Do you have a feeling of perfection or individuality?
True love will make you accept your second wife with all her negativities as one individual lover.
On the other hand, infatuation will make you see her as a flawless and ideal lover, despite the visible red flags.
While true love will tell you to be empathetic, and kind, and face problems with your partner, infatuation will convince you to spin on the bad signs and focus only on good things about your second wife.
2. Do you have a sense of satisfaction or craving?
According to most relationship experts, true love will make you feel satisfied or content with your partner and not worry about the uncertainty of their feelings.
On the other hand, infatuation will lead to “high” feelings or cravings for your partner.
This can lead to negative effects like anticipation, longing, and even unnecessary anger.
3. Do you rely on assumptions or deep intimacy?
If you find yourself relying on your second wife’s superficial looks or behavior, then you are being controlled by infatuation.
However, if you rely on real intimacy, you will find yourself more concerned about your partner’s vulnerability, emotional needs, and information that you may not want other people to know.
This explains why most men rush to settle with their wives without understanding whether they are working on assumptions or intimacy.
Can Your Second Wife Be Better Than Your First Wife?
After finding the right answers to the questions above, the next question likely to ring in your mind is, can your second wife be better than the first wife?
If so, is it possible to love and attend to both wives?
Just like falling in love for the first time, your first marriage comes with a lot of exhilarating and terrifying feelings.
It is always a rush that feels short-lived, even if it takes years of preparation.
Therefore, while many things can push a man to look for a second wife, the primary reason is the realization that they can no longer tickle each other like they did during their first years of marriage.
In a nutshell, the second wife can be better than the first wife, though the decision to love all of them solely rests on the man.
For instance, when seeking a second wife, most men feel they are mature enough to get into the second marriage, even if statistics suggest that men always resist getting married due to subsequent changes that come with marriage.
So, for the second marriage to stand, the man has to identify mistakes from the first marriage and avoid repeating them.
It is also possible for a man to love two wives at the same time and attend to them all. That is because, according to one study, men are more likely to cheat on their wives if they lack either romantic passion or emotional intimacy in their marriages.
That means if the first wife lacks any of the two aspects, a man will always look for another woman who has the missing aspect and still love both women.
However, the degree of love will vary significantly based on who the man feels most attracted to.
You may also want to read: I’m Catching Feelings for Side Chick: What Should I Do?
Wrap Up
Making the second wife the love of your life is very much possible, provided the love grows beyond the infatuation stage.
However, the challenge comes in when trying to love both women equally without making the first wife feel left out.
While some religions and cultures permit a man to marry more than one wife, they also warn him to love and treat them fairly or stick to one woman if he cannot fulfill the condition.
Therefore, regardless of your reason to love and marry the second wife, it is advisable to differentiate between true love and infatuation and understand all the rules that come with second marriages.
