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My Wife Lied About Her Promiscuous Past: What Should I Do?

It is believed that love and marriage are built on trust, commitment, and understanding.

For them to work, both partners need to be open about their past relationships and plans. This allows each other to decide whether they are ready to accept and live with the truth.

While most people who are deeply in love say that the past does not matter, others believe that it does since it forms the basis of one’s relationships.

Hence, if you believe in the latter, learning that your wife lied about her promiscuous past may have a significant impact on your marriage, especially if you have been together for a long time and trying to create memories.

 So, how do you deal with your lying wife?

Learning The Truth about Your Wife’s Promiscuous Past

If you love your wife and you are ready to spend your remaining years with her, the last questions you may want to face are:

  • Is your wife a liar?
  • How did you learn the truth about her promiscuous past?
  • Are you ready to accept and move on?

While the questions may have varied answers depending on your marital stage, the final verdict depends solely on why she lied.

Your wife might have lied about her past relationships for several reasons. However, only one or two will make sense, especially if she did that to protect her marriage.

First, she might have lied to prevent you from learning about her dark past and leaving her. This is one of the universal reasons why spouses may lie, especially if they are trying to bury their pasts and focus on building long-term relationships.

Secondly, maybe she assumed her past does not matter anymore in her new relationship or marriage. Thus, whether she lied or not, what matters to her is you and the future you plan to build together.

Dealing with the Truth

After identifying the primary reason why she lied, the next task you have is to deal with the truth.

Are you going to break the marriage or forgive her and focus on building a home?

While it is somehow painful and challenging to decide what to do in such a scenario, here are a few tips on how to deal with a lying wife.

1. Think about If You Want To Know More Truth or Not

It is more painful to ask for more truth about her past after learning about her first lie.

But it plays a crucial role in helping you decide how to approach her lies.

Ask her about everything you think matters as far as her past and present relationships are concerned.  

Approach the matter maturely and don’t push her beyond her limits to reveal the truth.

Also Read: How to Get Your Wife to Talk about Her Past

2. Study Her Lying Pattern

The first way to decide what to do to her is to review her lying pattern.

To do this, gather any bit of information about her past from her closest friends, if possible.

With all the necessary details, you can now try to answer questions like:

  • Was she embarrassed to share her promiscuous past with you?
  • Did she lie only to paint herself as a clean person to you?
  • Is there still an ongoing affair she is hiding from you?

3. Don’t Feel Guilty

Most men blame themselves if they discover their wives lied about their pasts.

They think maybe, they did not identify red flags when dating or, even if they did, they assumed and agreed to get married.

Others also believe that they were not masculine enough to ask for truth and now they have to live with the lying partners.

Don’t blame yourself for learning about her dark past later in marriage.

Accepting that it is never your fault gives you enough room to think and evaluate the situation.

4. Think About How It Will Impact Your Marriage

Whether it is a small or big lie, learning about your wife’s promiscuous past will probably impact your trust in her.

While you can easily talk about it and move on, some lies may compel you to take a break and start your marriage all over again.

Therefore, whichever route you take to deal with the situation, think about your marriage and kids, if you have any.

Also, try to find the right answers to questions like:

  • Has she changed her behavior since you discovered the truth?
  • Do you still love her, even if not as much as before?
  • Do you think you can trust her words again?
  • Are you ready to welcome another hidden truth, if any?

5. Seek Professional Counseling

You may decide to handle the situation all by yourself.

After all, you are the one who feels betrayed by your wife and thinks you have all the powers to end the marriage.

However, any decision you take in anger may also come back to haunt you and you will regret it later.

 Therefore, the best way to deal with the situation is to seek help from a professional therapist.

A marriage counselor will help the two of you analyze the situation, identify all the possible causes of the lie, and come up with a long-term solution.

They will also create a neutral ground for both of you to speak about your pasts, accept each other, and move on.

What Steps Can You Take To Rebuild Trust With Your Wife After Learning About Her Past Deception?

It is difficult to rebuild trust with your wife once you discover she lied about her promiscuous past.

However, accepting the truth is the first step to reconciling, and here are a few ways to go about it:

  • Talk about it as a couple. Ask more questions about her past and let her know about all your concerns. If she is sorry and ready to start over again, she will tell you everything you want to know. However, be ready to talk about your past too.
  • Imagine if it is you. While it is easy to judge your wife based on her past, you should also imagine if it is her judging you. Don’t use her past to punish her. Instead, put yourself in her position and think about you seeking her forgiveness.
  • Don’t let the lie cloud your thoughts. Once you talk about it, erase it from your mind and focus on other things that will cement your marriage. Thinking about it every day will only hurt you more and you will never learn to forgive and trust her.
  • Look for aspects that bother you most. Is it the number of her past lovers that bothers you most or what she did with them? Are you angry that she did not tell you at the initial courtship stage? Or because you discovered the truth from someone else and not her? Think about all aspects that bother you most and address them individually.
  • Lastly, trust her. Remember, she chose to be with you all those years, and maybe, she hid the truth about her promiscuous past because she did not want to lose you. That only is a good reason to trust her again and try to perfect your marriage.

Expert Tip

People handle marital lies differently as there is no universal way to deal with a lying spouse.

For this reason, it is vital to be open in the first place and let your partner know everything that may affect your relationship or marriage later in life.

You may also want to check:

My Wife Lied About Talking To Another Man: What Should I Do?

My Wife Lied about Me Being the Father: Here’s Everything I Did after Learning the Truth

My Boyfriend Is Insecure About My Past: What Should I Do?

Chrisa Sayi

Dr. Chrisa Sayi is a distinguished clinical psychologist, renowned author, and gobally recognized relationship expert. With a decade of experience, she has guided numerous couples toward healthier, more fulfilling connections. Dr. Sayi has shared his invaluable insights at over 30 conferences and penned over 100 professional articles and books. Her expertise has been featured in many reputable publications, including Glamour, Medium, Daily Nation, Awakening Africa, Reader's Digest, Bustle, UpJourney, Fatherly, The Zoe Report, Cosmopolitan, and many more. For further engagement, you can connect with Dr. Chrisa Sayi on Twitter via @DrChrisaSayi1.

Chrisa Sayihttp://kenyalogue.com
Dr. Chrisa Sayi is a distinguished clinical psychologist, renowned author, and gobally recognized relationship expert. With a decade of experience, she has guided numerous couples toward healthier, more fulfilling connections. Dr. Sayi has shared his invaluable insights at over 30 conferences and penned over 100 professional articles and books. Her expertise has been featured in many reputable publications, including Glamour, Medium, Daily Nation, Awakening Africa, Reader's Digest, Bustle, UpJourney, Fatherly, The Zoe Report, Cosmopolitan, and many more. For further engagement, you can connect with Dr. Chrisa Sayi on Twitter via @DrChrisaSayi1.
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