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My Feelings For Him Scare Me: What Should I Do?

Love is fantastic, but it can also be scary, terrifying, and brutal at the same time.

If your feelings for your boyfriend scare you, you could be worried that it’s an indicator that something is off or that the fear might sabotage your relationship.

If that is the case for you, what should you do?

Read on to learn more about how you can deal with your fears.

First off, let’s discuss why your feelings scare you.

Why Do My Feelings For Him Scare Me?

Fear makes us cautious, so overall, your fear is justified.

It’s a mechanism that our heart develops to guard itself from pain or hurt.

The following are some reasons you might be scared of your feelings for him.

  • Fear of heartbreak
  • You are already in another relationship
  • Unrequited love/unequal feelings
  • Fear of intimacy
  • Afraid to be vulnerable
  • Fear of loss
  • Your boyfriend is a bad guy

Looking at the list above, one can conclude that their fears are valid.

It is normal to feel scared when you begin to develop intense feelings for someone.

Many people have been in the position you are in right now.

While some let their fears get in the way of their happiness, others maintained a positive attitude and could see past the fears. And as a result, their relationships thrived.

Below are the root causes of why your feelings scare you.

By following the tips below when dealing with each of the concerns, you, too, can overcome your fears.

Reason #1: Fear of Heartbreak

We can all agree that heartbreaks are not pleasant. It’s a pain that cuts through our insides, making it hard to catch our breath.

Someone who hasn’t experienced a real heartbreak could not understand, no matter how much we try to explain it, so they don’t share this fear.

However, what if you have had your heart broken quite badly?

 Investing your feelings and emotions in someone else could be scary.

What if the heartbreak is more severe than the last one?

Every romance film or series and every love song, all remind you of the pain you went through when your heart was broken.

So, the fear of heartbreak cannot be ignored, regardless of the intensity of your feelings for your boyfriend.

What You Can Do:

Though it’s hard to believe when you’re scared of heartbreak, our hearts heal with time.

 If your greatest fear is heartbreak, maybe you haven’t given yourself enough time to get over the past relationship.

Once completely healed, you will be surprised to forget how it felt to have your heart broken.

Depending on the grounds your last relationship ended and how it impacted you, you could consider seeing a therapist or experienced counselor who will help you get over the pain and bitterness so you can move forward.

Reason #2: You Are Already In another Relationship

No one anticipates falling in love with someone new while in another relationship.

But change is inevitable, and your interests and personality could change over time.

And it is terrifying to develop feelings for another person while in a commitment.

You still care about your current partner, and the last thing you want is to hurt him.

What if you risk it all and end up losing everything in the end?

What You Can Do

Do a self-evaluation. If you are unhappy in your current relationship, determine whether it is just a phase, or you have fallen out of love altogether.

You could be only seeking solace in someone new because he makes you feel good about yourself, and that is why your feelings are this intense.

Remember that regardless of how special you think your new guy is, cheating will harm you, your partner, and him.

Reason #3: Unrequited Love/Unequal Feelings

A relationship is a partnership that requires the parties involved to invest equally.

Shah Rukh Khan once said that “to love someone who doesn’t love you in return is the most beautiful feeling in the world”, but every relationship requires sacrificing.

You cannot count on someone who doesn’t feel the same to make the same sacrifices you are willing to make.

They won’t fight as hard as you to make your relationship work.

What You Can Do

Look inside yourself to determine why you have such intense feelings for someone who doesn’t love you as much.

Whether you pursue that relationship and act on your strong emotions is a personal call.

But finding the underlying cause could help you make the appropriate decision.

You could consider seeing a therapist or psychologist to determine the real source of your feelings for a man who is less interested in you.

Reason #4: Fear of Intimacy

Some people have gone through horrific experiences that affect our view of intimacy.

Have you been sexually assaulted or taken advantage of in your life?

Sexual relationships eventually involve intimacy, no matter how long you keep holding it back.

Having strong feelings for someone could scare you at the thought of getting intimate at some point, in fear of reliving the trauma you went through.

What You Can Do

You shouldn’t try to suppress the fear that results from a traumatic experience.

Seeking therapy can help you get over it more quickly.

 People who were sexually assaulted in the past find it hard to trust.

Working up the courage to fall in love is a big step, and it means you trust your boyfriend.

So, consider talking to him about your experience and how it affected you.

Reason #5: Afraid Of Being Vulnerable

If you have lived your life relying on yourself only, it could be scary to let someone in.

A strong woman believes that she is responsible for her own happiness.

Whether someone hurt you in the past or not, you probably don’t want to put yourself in a position where someone could take advantage of you or hurt you.

Having someone in your life means you must share your fears and thoughts, which could sometimes make you appear weak.

What You Can Do

Life is hard enough to live alone. And whatever turn you choose to take, whether in terms of relationships or career, there is always risk involved.

 If your feelings for the man in your life are genuine, love is a risk worth taking.

If you trust your boyfriend, have an open conversation about your fears.

It wouldn’t be fair to him if you took your relationship to the next level and were unwilling to open yourself up fully to him.

Reason #6: Fear of Loss

Have you ever lost someone close to you in death?

Maybe it was someone you loved with every fiber of your being. Or maybe you were abandoned as a child.

Do you have attachment issues?

These past experiences could stir up the fear of losing your boyfriend, making you scared to get too attached.

Giving in to this fear could result in you becoming withdrawn, which will, in turn, end your relationship.

What You Can Do

 Have an open conversation with your boyfriend.

Understand that loss is a part of life, and the fear of losing someone you love is normal.

So, make each moment you share count instead of trying to control everything.

If the fear has affected your relationship with everyone, consider seeking professional help.

Reason #7: Your Boyfriend Is a Bad Guy

If you are involved with a dangerous man, you have every reason to be scared of your feelings for him.

You’re probably afraid that he might be abusive to you in the future.

What if your relationship doesn’t work, and he threatens to harm you if you leave? What if his attitude puts a target on your back?

These thoughts could be holding you back from putting your life in the hands of someone unpredictable.

What You Can Do

 If you find yourself drawn to dangerous and abusive men, you are putting your life in harm’s way.

Seek a therapist’s help to determine what could be the reason behind your having strong feelings towards someone who can quickly turn on you.

You may be scared because your mind is trying to protect you.

You Might Also Wonder:

1. Could My Fear Of My Feelings Indicate That Something Isn’t Right In The Relationship?

Not necessarily.

 In most cases, your fear could be a way of guarding yourself against pain in the future.

Assess to determine why you are afraid.

For instance, if you have strong feelings for someone abusive to you, that could indicate that you have Stockholm syndrome and need psychological help.

If you feel you cannot get past your fears, it is advisable to seek out a therapist.

Also, having open conversations with your partner could help.

2. Is It Possible To Work Through My Fear Of My Feelings For Him And Still Maintain The Relationship?

Yes. Have a positive attitude toward your fears.

Let them help clear the fog so you can see clearly what you are getting yourself into.

But if time and time again your boyfriend proves himself capable of taking good care of you, learn to let them go.

Set relationship goals for yourself, both short-term and long-term.

With each realized goal, you can get over your fears one step at a time until you are not scared anymore.

3. Going Forward, How Can I Differentiate Between Healthy Caution And Irrational Fear Regarding My Feelings For Him?

Being cautious is healthy for you and your relationship.

As we mentioned earlier, fear protects us.

Assessing each situation will help you comprehend the effect your fear has on your relationship.

Before acting, try to uncover the source of your fears.

  • Is it a warning to run for your life?
  • Is it keeping you from taking a chance with a fantastic partner who you could potentially spend the rest of your life with?

Contemplating these will assist you in distinguishing between healthy caution from relationship phobia and irrational fears.

Chrisa Sayi

Dr. Chrisa Sayi is a distinguished clinical psychologist, renowned author, and gobally recognized relationship expert. With a decade of experience, she has guided numerous couples toward healthier, more fulfilling connections. Dr. Sayi has shared his invaluable insights at over 30 conferences and penned over 100 professional articles and books. Her expertise has been featured in many reputable publications, including Glamour, Medium, Daily Nation, Awakening Africa, Reader's Digest, Bustle, UpJourney, Fatherly, The Zoe Report, Cosmopolitan, and many more. For further engagement, you can connect with Dr. Chrisa Sayi on Twitter via @DrChrisaSayi1.

Chrisa Sayi
Chrisa Sayihttp://kenyalogue.com
Dr. Chrisa Sayi is a distinguished clinical psychologist, renowned author, and gobally recognized relationship expert. With a decade of experience, she has guided numerous couples toward healthier, more fulfilling connections. Dr. Sayi has shared his invaluable insights at over 30 conferences and penned over 100 professional articles and books. Her expertise has been featured in many reputable publications, including Glamour, Medium, Daily Nation, Awakening Africa, Reader's Digest, Bustle, UpJourney, Fatherly, The Zoe Report, Cosmopolitan, and many more. For further engagement, you can connect with Dr. Chrisa Sayi on Twitter via @DrChrisaSayi1.
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