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My Wife And I Are Looking For A Second Wife: What Challenges Should I Expect?

Marrying two wives is illegal in most parts of the world.

However, some countries’ constitutions have allowed men to marry more than one wife.

Other regions still uphold the traditional practice of polygamy.

Despite these facts, most women will die before allowing another woman to set foot in her husband’s life.

It’s no wonder we see couples all over filing for divorce because someone else was brought into the picture.

Despite societal norms, some women, out of unexplained love for their husbands, allow them to marry a second wife.

Each has her own opinions and reasonings as to why she is open about sharing with her husband.

Nonetheless, it is a situation that is bound to create challenges for the parties involved.

In most cases, we tend to focus on the second wife and what she is getting herself into, but this post is meant for a couple looking for a second wife.

 For each challenge, I will reveal a few ways in which you can best deal with it.

Challenges You Should Expect

Challenge #1: Jealousy

Whether your wife is onboard and embraces you having a second wife or not, jealousy is one enemy they will both encounter down the line regardless of their relationship.

Remember the 2005 continuing South African soap opera Scandal?

Boniswa Langa remained close friends with Yvonne Langa even after the latter became her co-wife.

But in both craving for the attention of their husband, they ended up becoming rivals.

Except the same for both your wives at some point in the marriage, where each competes to be and look better than the other.

How to deal with it

Before marrying the second wife, discuss the living situation.

Most co-wives living in close proximity to each other get into a lot more conflict than those living far apart.

After marrying, avoid getting in the middle of their fights and confrontations.

Even with pure intentions, you will appear to be picking sides, which will only stir up jealousy.

 Also, make sure that you treat both of them equally from the word go.

Also Read: My Second Wife Is the Love of My Life: True Love or Infatuation?

Challenge #2: Financial Responsibilities

Once you marry a second wife, you are socially and legally expected to support her and potential future children.

When accommodating a second wife, some men fall into the snare of neglecting their first family.

Remember that you cannot take away the comfort and stability your first wife and children have been enjoying to give it to someone else.

If you have made up your mind, you should be prepared to provide an equal level of comfort and lifestyle to your wives and children.

How to deal with it

Carefully plan your finances before seeking out a second wife.

Since money matters affect your current wife as well, consult with her.

You might have to give up some luxuries, but she has to approve of that first.

Once you find a suitable mate, fill her in as well on the financial situation.

Challenge #3: Time Management

Women love attention, especially from their spouses.

Once you marry the second wife, you will need to cater to her emotional needs, which will require you to be with her.

Not to forget that you probably have kids with your current wife, and your second wife might bear you some.

You will be expected to have enough time to spend with each member of your family and avail yourself in emergency situations.

This could result in emotional drain and fatigue on your part.

How to deal with it

Evaluate yourself to see if you can handle the pressure of being there for everyone physically and emotionally.

Talk with your first wife and make sure she understands that marrying a second wife means that you will not have as much time to spend with her as you did before.

If she is fully onboard, create a schedule of how much free time you have, and divide that amongst both your families and yourself.

Stick to this schedule unless there is an emergency.

Challenge #4: Legal Matters

As I mentioned earlier, polygamy is not acceptable everywhere.

If your tradition and country laws don’t allow for a second wife, it would be unwise to pursue a course that could have serious legal implications.

But if polygamy is accepted, there are challenges you will need to get out of the way.

For instance, child custody, inheritance, and property sharing.

These are complex issues parties in polygamous relationships deal with that drag on for years.

How to deal with it

 Seek legal advice from a professional on the best course of action.

You might be advised to prepare a will or get a prenuptial agreement.

If there are documents you will be required to sign, a lawyer can help you discern what they are and their purpose.

Challenge #5: Social Stigma

Despite cultural and constitutional rights, people find it hard to accept that which isn’t a widely acceptable norm.

Expect to be discriminated by your family, friends, and the community where you live.

Weird looks and finger-pointing are just some of the things you will experience.

And not just you! A lot will be said about your wives and family at large.

How to deal with it

Sorry to be the bearer of bad news, but there isn’t much you can do to control what people say or think.

So long as you have made your resolve about finding a second mate, stick to your decision and let people be.

The best thing is that they won’t speak of your life choices forever.

Eventually, they will find something new to criticize.

But if their words get to you, seeking therapy as a family will help a great deal in you all carrying on with your lives.

Challenge #6: Compatibility

Remember how hard it was for you to find a woman who compliments you?

Now you are tasked with finding a woman who will complement your wife and yourself.

She must share both your values, visions, standards, interests, and much more.

After all, you aren’t only thinking of yourself but also the future of your family.

Though you might take it lightly, this is the toughest task yet.

How to deal with it

 Have an open discussion with your wife before going out on a wild hunt for a second wife.

Work together as a team in deciding the most suitable match.

Once you find her, sit down and have each one express their expectations freely.

Be careful that no one makes compromises that they can’t live with.

You can involve a therapist as they can give an unbiased analysis of their observations.

Related post: Can You Marry Someone You’re Not Sexually Compatible With?

Closing Thought

This post doesn’t ridicule or praise the act of polygamy.

So long as each party has given their consent and your region’s laws allow it, polygamy is an individual decision.

I have discussed the challenges you are sure to go through, and how to deal with each situation.

Marriage between two people is hard, and so you can expect adding another party to make it harder.

So before making a decision, weigh yourselves and the implications your decision will have on your lives.

With your minds made up, I hope this post prepares you well enough before you open that new chapter as a couple.

Mine is to wish you all the best as you soar through the challenges and find your happiness.

You may also want to check: Being a Primary in a Poly Relationship: Here Is How to Navigate and Integrate Successfully

Chrisa Sayi

Dr. Chrisa Sayi is a distinguished clinical psychologist, renowned author, and gobally recognized relationship expert. With a decade of experience, she has guided numerous couples toward healthier, more fulfilling connections. Dr. Sayi has shared his invaluable insights at over 30 conferences and penned over 100 professional articles and books. Her expertise has been featured in many reputable publications, including Glamour, Medium, Daily Nation, Awakening Africa, Reader's Digest, Bustle, UpJourney, Fatherly, The Zoe Report, Cosmopolitan, and many more. For further engagement, you can connect with Dr. Chrisa Sayi on Twitter via @DrChrisaSayi1.

Chrisa Sayihttp://kenyalogue.com
Dr. Chrisa Sayi is a distinguished clinical psychologist, renowned author, and gobally recognized relationship expert. With a decade of experience, she has guided numerous couples toward healthier, more fulfilling connections. Dr. Sayi has shared his invaluable insights at over 30 conferences and penned over 100 professional articles and books. Her expertise has been featured in many reputable publications, including Glamour, Medium, Daily Nation, Awakening Africa, Reader's Digest, Bustle, UpJourney, Fatherly, The Zoe Report, Cosmopolitan, and many more. For further engagement, you can connect with Dr. Chrisa Sayi on Twitter via @DrChrisaSayi1.
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