Marriage and dating, to most people, come with varied desires and lifetime goals.
What a man desires in marriage and life may be different from what a woman desires.
For instance, while a man wants financial breakthroughs, success, freedom, and adventures, most women want a committed man, successful relationships, and passion for life.
With all these aspects in place, there is no doubt everybody will be ready to settle down, not just a woman.
But what happens when one or both partners are not ready to settle down and take their relationship to unforeseen next level?
The expected scenario is that one partner will leave the relationship, just like your girlfriend did.
However, before feeling guilty about her departure, you need to know a few things about why she left as well as how to handle the whole situation.
How Long Do You Need To Know Her Before You Propose?
Some couples can take even three years before making it official while others only need a few months to put rings on their fingers.
However, regardless of the category in which you fall, the time you take to understand her and propose depends on several factors, including:
I. Do you both feel like family?
Love alone is not enough to tell if you are ready to move in together.
Sometimes marriage goes beyond what you feel about each other.
You need to understand what makes your partner feel happy, welcomed, and part of your life.
That means, before proposing, you need to ask yourself if your relationship has reached a point where you two feel like a family. This includes finding the right answers to questions like:
- Have you met each other’s families? If yes, how comfortable is she to stay with your family?
- How comfortable are you to go on holiday together?
- Have you talked about your secrets enough to trust each other?
II. Do you share the same core values?
The next factor to consider before making a lifetime commitment is to ensure you both have common core values.
These range from your financial considerations to how you handle conflicts and other external factors.
Some of the questions to answer to determine if you share core values include:
- Did you dig deeper into matters that brought you together? Or, is she only after marriage without considering what could bring conflicts into your marriage?
- Have you set your mutual financial goals and protection from unforeseen dangers?
- Have you discussed other family aspects like kids, investment, and even personal development?
III. Are you both excited to get married?
Marriage should be a shared vision and not a one-sided thought.
It is also fun, exciting, and lifetime fulfillment.
However, it can never work if only one partner is interested in it while the other partner needs more time to prepare and set their marital goals rights.
Therefore, before getting married, you need to ask yourselves if you are both excited and ready to take the vows.
So, Was It Too Early To Propose?
From the above illustrations, it is clear that she left because she did not feel like part of your family, you lacked mutual core values, or she was the only one pushing for marriage.
Another reason why she left is, maybe, she found someone worth her effort—something she did not receive in her relationship with you.
While she might have her reasons why she left beside you not proposing, the next question likely to pop into your mind is: was it too early to propose?
Let’s face it; no woman will show long-term commitment to a man who is not ready to marry her.
Whether you have all your desires in place or other factors that would make any woman want to settle with you, you need to understand that women value personal commitment more than anything else.
That means she only needs a shorter time to understand you and know if you are worth her love.
However, this is contrary to what most men think about long-term commitment.
While you may need more time to prepare before proposing to your girlfriend, you should understand that keeping her waiting for long will only make her think you are not ready or you will never marry her.
Yes, maybe you were wrong for not considering her relationship goals at first and showing commitment.
However, that does not mean that you should feel sorry for letting her go.
Therefore, whether it was too early or not, the only possible way to handle the situation is know what she wanted and how to give it to her.
What Should You Do Now That She Has Left?
Your girlfriend leaving because you did not propose as she expected does not mark the ultimate end of the relationship.
Maybe she is taking some time to think about her life and get over the frustration, especially now that she feels the relationship is not moving anywhere.
Or, she is testing her feelings for you to see if she can truly move on with her life.
While most people will advise you to move on and get another lady, the wise thing to do is to try to win her back, especially, if this is the woman you wanted to spend the rest of your life with.
You can easily succeed in building another relationship with her for the second time if you consider the following tips:
1. Talk to her
Communication is key whether you are trying to mend a broken relationship or building a new one.
To understand why she left, you need to call or meet her if possible and talk about it.
Let her know you had marriage plans in mind, and only needed more time to set everything in place before exchanging vows.
Also, let her know she is your choice and you are only taking time to secure her future and that of your kids.
In your conversation, address all reasonable requests from both parties and pinpoint those that need immediate action.
Also, ask her if there is anything you need to change to make the relationship work.
Remember, the conversation should involve your shared interests and not a one-sided talk.
2. Understand her thinking
They say it is not easy to understand a woman.
However, understanding someone you love and are ready to spend the rest of your life with is vital for any marriage to stand.
Before you blame her for not giving you more time to think about the proposal, ask yourself if you understand her thinking and are ready to be part of her struggles.
Remember, men need to know their purpose in life and where they are going before they get married.
Whereas, women are only concerned about who they are traveling with in their life journey.
That means you need to understand if you were part of her journey from the start even before proposing to her.
If not, try to understand her purpose and become part of her lifetime goals.
3. Understand your role in the relationship
While the primary role of a man is to provide for his woman, sometimes the level of commitment varies based on the relationship status.
For instance, when dating, your role is to treat her with gifts, exclusive dates, and other minor expenses.
However, when taking your relationship to the next level like marriage or engagement, you should be ready to provide other basic needs like food, security, and shelter to your woman.
Therefore, when trying to win her back, understand what she expects of you besides the boyfriend’s provisions.
Ask yourself if you are ready to act like the father and head of the house and not a boyfriend anymore.
Also, ask yourself if you can provide for her and her family in some extreme situations and if she can trust you with her life.
4. Set a date
If she also loves you and is willing to give you another chance, she won’t hesitate to go on a date with you.
Although, she may also come just to heed your request even if she has moved on.
Whatever the case, use this chance to convince her and make her see you are ready to propose.
You should also pick her favorite place and set the date with her favorite dish.
Remember, you should not treat this date like those you went together during your courtship days.
Make it special for her and let it be seen as an apologetic date.
You can also use this day to propose to her, if possible, to win her back.
However, be ready for two possible outcomes, especially since she is still reluctant to take you back.
Final Thoughts
Your girlfriend leaving because you did not propose can be a distressing and unfortunate turn of events.
To some people, it may mean going back to singlehood and looking for another woman who can marry them.
However, to those who understand the essence of love and commitment, this is the best time to reevaluate themselves and think about how to make their ladies agree to take them back.
Therefore, however hard the situation may be, it is vital to think about yourself, find the right answers as to why she left, and strategize on how to win back her heart.
