In life, everyone is free to follow whatever path they wish.
But there are some aspects of life where everyone is bound to conduct themselves in a particular manner.
One such aspect is a marital union. Marriage is sacred, a bond formed to last a lifetime. This bond is founded on love, trust, and commitment.
However, some people have defiled tradition and their vows by pursuing sexual relationships outside their marriage.
In modern society, more married women are engaging in extramarital affairs, with the numbers almost equating to those of men.
When I think about two married people engaging in a sexual affair, I’m reminded of the Atlantic Starr’s ‘Secret Lovers’ song.
The songwriter talks about two people in separate relationships but secretly in love with each other.
They are both aware that their pursuit of this forbidden love impacts their emotions, with a handful of challenges they are forced to face to keep their love alive.
As a result, they keep their affair a secret because, despite the pleasure it brings, they are still in love with their spouses.
Their relationship is made more complicated by the fact that they can’t hide their feelings when they are together, so the two are afraid if they were to hang out with their spouses, it would be clear that they have a secret affair.
The song gives a summary of how two married people would find themselves in an affair, the risks they take, why they take them, and how it impacts their lives and those of the people around them.
But in this post, I will discuss those implications at length without any bias.
The post is not intended to criticize or justify the actions of a married woman sleeping with a married man but to give facts.
So, Why A Married Man?
I still remember when married women would have an affair with a single man.
But today, most cases are of affairs with married men.
Much work goes into grooming a man and making him desirable to you and others.
It’s practically why some single women date married men because another woman has already done all the work for them.
The same goes for married women. A married woman might opt for a married man because another woman satisfies his emotional and physical needs.
Also, since they have families, their attachment will remain minimal because they don’t want to jeopardize their other relationships.
A woman is the pillar of her home, which is why infidelity doesn’t come easy for most.
Her life is wrapped around her secular job, providing and caring for her family, and maintaining a neat home.
But each marriage has challenges, and no matter how strong a woman is, she could reach a breaking point and consider stepping out of her marriage.
What reasons push a married woman into engaging in something society deems taboo? Let’s find out…
Why Would A Married Woman Pursue An Affair With A Married Man?
I. Emotional Dissatisfaction
Women have an unending yearning to be heard.
Marriage creates a safe haven where the wife can share her interests and concerns with her husband.
If a husband is always working, or when he’s at home, he’s still far away mentally, and he could fail to provide his wife with the emotional intimacy she needs.
A married man knows how to handle a woman when she is at her weakest, which is why a married woman would seek him out.
What starts as ‘someone to talk to’ can quickly turn into ‘an emotional attachment’ that eventually becomes a ‘physical relationship.’
II. Lack of Intimacy
Intimacy is crucial in marriage. Sadly, once they marry, men slowly lose interest in sexual intimacy with their wives.
While we don’t want to disregard factors that affect a man’s sex drive, we can all agree that every married woman needs some love every now and then.
When a married woman is denied sexual satisfaction, she could look for it elsewhere.
It hurts beyond what words can explain when a wife learns of her husband’s infidelity.
In her hurt and broken-hearted state, she could retaliate by starting an affair with someone else.
And since she’s not looking for something permanent, beginning a relationship with a married man could appear to be the most viable option.
IV. Seeking Adventure
The film industry, radio shows, and podcasts paint infidelity as a fun thing to do.
Some get away with it and carry on with an affair for years, and others are unable to sustain a double life and end up leaving their spouse for their lover.
The thrill portrayed by the entertainment world causes some married women to engage in an affair to experience the fun.
V. Low Self-Esteem
Married people work together for the betterment of each other’s life.
If a married woman has low self-esteem, she probably hoped her husband would help her find her confidence.
When that fails, she will likely pursue a sexual relationship with a married man to seek validation.
Depending on the kind of relationship she establishes with the married man, she starts to compare herself with his wife and give herself points.
VI. Societal Pressures
In a world where women are encouraged to pursue careers and take up responsibilities previously tasked with men, women are becoming more independent and ambitious.
The change in gender role dynamics has resulted in more freedom for the ladies, leading married women to a life of seeking personal fulfillment.
Potential Consequences of a Married Woman Sleeping With a Married Man
1. Psychological Impact
A married woman engaging in an affair undergoes emotional distress caused by guilt and anxiety.
She knows that she broke her marriage vows and stands to lose her family if her secret is known.
A married woman could also develop an emotional attachment to her lover unknowingly.
And since he is a married man, she has nothing to bounce back on if her marriage reaches its breaking point.
This could cause confusion and depression, manifested by uncontrolled outbursts and mood swings.
2. Damaged Relationships
An affair between two married people harms many relationships.
Trust is broken, meaning that even if the innocent spouses decide to forgive the guilty parties, things will never be the same.
In worse cases, infidelity results in separation and broken families.
Children are most affected by the constant fighting between their parents and when they have to grow up with one parent after a breakup.
And in cases where a married woman sleeps with a married man whose family is close to hers, the affair ends a lifelong friendship.
Society judges a married woman who engages in an affair with a married man very harshly.
A damaged reputation resulting from infidelity causes her to feel shame and suffer from social stigma.
That extends to her friends and relatives, who might choose to distance themselves because of the shame she brings to their names.
Walking down the streets with people pointing their fingers can cause emotional turmoil.
It would require such a married woman to put a pin on her social life first until the dust settles if the shame is too much on her.
4. Legal Implications
Not all spouses are capable of forgiving infidelity.
When a husband learns that his wife has had an affair with another married man, he could decide to settle their differences in court.
The process starts with the husband filing for divorce, possibly losing the child’s custody, and being denied a share in the husband’s property.
Signs of a Married Woman Engaging In an Affair with a Married Man
A woman used to having an affair could eventually get good at the secrecy game.
But nothing stays hidden forever, and the truth ultimately comes out.
And a man who knows his wife quite well can easily detect her deception.
Here are some signs of a married woman having an affair with a married man, which are common in all kinds of sexual affairs.
- The wife receives late-night calls and has secret chats.
- The wife comes home late without a valid explanation of where she’s been.
- Sudden change in a married woman’s routines.
- The wife doesn’t allow anyone, including her husband and kids, to touch her laptop or phone.
- The married woman slowly becomes detached from her husband emotionally and sexually.
- The wife keeps conversations short; she doesn’t discuss her personal life anymore and avoids certain topics.
- The married woman becomes extremely defensive even when she isn’t provoked.
- The wife only talks negatively about her husband and criticizes him for no reason.
- Increased insecurity coupled with guilt causes her to accuse her husband of infidelity, and she finds it hard to trust him around other women.
Societal Perception of Such an Affair
It’s intriguing how society doesn’t often view a married man’s affair with the same level of disapproval as it does when a woman engages in a similar situation.
Besides, our tradition allowed men to be polygamous, but the same can’t be said of a woman.
Her role was to cater to her household and accommodate her husband’s other woman, even caring for her whenever she was unwell.
When a married woman engages in an affair, especially with a married man, she is viewed as irresponsible and immoral.
She is treated as an outcast and called names such as ‘home-wrecker.’
The reception she receives from society will likely take a toll on her, affecting how she views herself and her relationship with others in the community.
Infidelity is a complex issue, and no one has the right to judge another person for their actions.
Modern society views sexual affairs as normal, with many looking for ways to justify it.
Whichever the case, it all comes down to a straightforward question, “If it’s the new norm, why is it kept a secret?”
Whether the world of entertainment or society itself accepts married women who have affairs with married men or not, each individual woman should consider the pros and cons of sleeping with a married man and use the scale to make a sound decision.
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