Death is inevitable. It leaves a hole in the heart of friends and relatives of the deceased.
But it is most traumatizing and painful for their spouse.
It marks the end of their life together, a permanent bond they had hoped would last forever.
The most challenging thing is what is left: moving on.
Some widows and widowers find solace in the arms of someone new. While some do it in search of something new to hold on to, others use physical intimacy to distract themselves from the pain.
Have you found yourself in a situation where a widow seeks you out for sex?
Have you already had a physical relationship with a widow and are unsure what follows? Or maybe the outcome of the act?
Then this post is worth your time. Continue reading to learn more about the consequences of sleeping with a widow.
First things first…
Is It A Sin To Sleep With A Widow?
When couples state their marriage vows, it is normal to hear the phrase, “till death do us part.”
So, naturally, it goes without saying that once one spouse has passed away, it leaves the living spouse free from the marriage bond, and they are hence free to be with someone else.
However, different cultures have rules and guidelines on how a widow should conduct herself after the death of her husband.
In some regions, her next mate is picked out by her parents, her in-laws, or community elders.
Other customs dictate that once a husband dies and leaves a young wife with little children, she would be married off to her brother-in-law, who would cater to her sexual needs and take care of her kids.
My grandfather passed away while my grandmother was still young and capable of conceiving.
At the time, she only had six children. So my grandmother visited the family of a close friend of her late husband as she was advised and conceived four children with him, though she named them from her late husband’s side of the family.
The point is that customs matter. In areas where the family makes decisions for the widow, it would be a sin for anyone apart from the man picked out for her to have intercourse with her.
So, despite being free to remarry according to Christianity and other religions’ marriage customs, it is also essential to consider the opinion of your cultural background.
It is still taboo in many regions to have sex with a widow.
But if you were to disregard the traditions and customs surrounding being with a widow, what would follow after having sex with her?
Let’s take a look:
Consequences of Sleeping with a Widow
Guilt is the first emotion most people experience after sleeping with a widow(er).
It is the nagging feeling that you betrayed the deceased.
It is common to share in the guilt felt by their partner, particularly if you were physically intimate at their house.
This widow might have been married to her late husband for decades, and she may have never been intimate with anyone else in her entire life.
Also, if her husband had been sick for a while before his death, or they had not been intimate for years, she may have a longing for physical contact and therefore seek to sleep with you shortly after her spouse’s death.
In such a case, you are more likely to experience a stronger feeling of guilt. These feelings are usually accompanied by regret.
Once it becomes public knowledge that you slept with a widow, you will certainly be ridiculed by the community and even accused of having an affair.
Most cultures expect a widow to remain unmarried for a certain period. Unlike the widow, a widower is allowed to marry almost immediately in an effort to introduce a mother figure to his little ones.
Depending on how long she has been a widow, the community quickly judges her (and you as her lover) as immoral. You might even be accused of having an affair with her while her husband was still alive.
3. The Commitment Factor
Before getting involved with a widow, it is important to understand the baggage it comes with.
Are you ready to accept her children as your own?
Are you willing to have an open mind whenever she reminisces about her past relationship?
After all, she loved her husband dearly, and they shared a huge part of their lives together.
What began as a physical relationship could become emotional, making you commit to a long-term relationship.
Also, remember that most widows occasionally talk about their deceased spouses.
At times, they will even compare you to them whenever you are having a good time or getting into a fight.
You need to ask yourself if you will be able to handle that in the event your relationship becomes more serious.
4. Emotional Attachment
As with a break-up, some widows use sex to get through the pain.
In such a case, she only seeks a distraction, not to get into another relationship.
It could be different for you. You might grow attached to her and maybe fall in love. The result will be a broken heart.
On the other hand, she could be the one who grows attached to you.
It has been proven that women get more connected to a man after sex than men do.
That bonding experience helps them release intense emotions they could be experiencing, especially grief.
If you are only having a good time, but she becomes emotionally attached, you might end up magnifying the pain she is experiencing.
5. Low Self-Esteem
When we get intimate with another person, we all experience the fear of not being good enough.
Now imagine getting into a physical relationship with someone who had enjoyed intimacy with another man for years!
Likely, the first experience will not be as satisfying as you both had hoped.
Alternatively, she might make a statement in the spur of the moment about your sexuality that leaves your ego bruised.
As I mentioned earlier, some widows seek comfort in the arms of another man to distract themselves.
If this is the case with the woman you involve yourself with, you most likely will be left feeling like a ‘boy toy’ that she uses to satisfy her sexual urges. As a result, your self-esteem will be lowered significantly.
Approaching a Romantic Relationship with a Widow Sensitively and Respectfully
What are some ways to approach a romantic relationship with a widow sensitively and respectfully, considering the potential consequences?
Well, below are some tips that have proved helpful to those who have successfully established such a relationship.
- Do not establish an intimate relationship right away: If you are seeking a long-term relationship, putting off sex will only frustrate a widow who is only looking to have no strings attached to your intimacy. It will be easier for you to discern their true intentions.
- Be willing to accept the deceased spouse as your own: Unlike a breakup, her husband was taken away from her unexpectedly. She will always have feelings and memories she holds onto her entire life. Accepting her deceased spouse will also help you comfort her whenever she hurts.
- Be patient with her: She might not be ready to commit to you right away. She could even request that you keep the relationship on the down low until she is ready to move on. The widow might have an issue with meeting your friends and family and will require your understanding.
- Have an open communication about the status of your relationship and goals: It will help you discern whether you will be exclusive at some point or not, thus sparing you potential disappointments and frustrations.
- Strive to establish a relationship with her children: The best way to a widow’s heart is through her kids. Make sure that your feelings toward them are strong. If your relationship becomes serious, they will be a part of your life. Do not overstep your boundaries with them, especially about discipline. Keep in mind that they might not accept you right away. However, when they see your positive effect on their mother, they will gradually let you in.
On the whole, being in a relationship with a widow is not entirely negative.
While there is no surefire way to avoid the potential challenges that might arise from pursuing such a relationship, we often witness individuals entering serious and lasting partnerships with widows.
These couples seem to have quietly mastered the art of navigating a relationship with someone who has experienced a significant loss, and together, they triumph over all obstacles that come their way.
The key to the success of any relationship with a widow lies in the solid foundation upon which the relationship is built.
Rather than rushing into things or trying to replace the departed spouse, take the time to understand and acknowledge the widow’s feelings and unique situation.
Approach the relationship with a blend of compassion, empathy, and patience.
This way, you will be able to create a safe space for the widow to heal at their own pace and gradually open up to the idea of forming a new, strong bond or emotional connection.