Fathers should be great. They are the stronghold of our families, and children look up to them for moral support.
It is not just enough to cater to financial responsibilities; balance is required.
We view our fathers as real-life superheroes—there’s nothing they cannot handle.
And we appreciate their unconditional love, support, guidance, and presence.
However, vicissitudes of life befall us all. And even though families are meant to stick together, changes in circumstances may result in a marriage ending.
This, though, should not affect the family bonds, especially the relationship between a parent and child.
Regrettably, some fathers have neglected their responsibilities. What is even worse is the fact that quite a number of them do this despite living with their family.
If your spouse or father is a deadbeat dad, the frustrations may take a toll on you, leading you to retaliate. (Hint: Here is how to spot a deadbeat dad)
How should you go about it?
Well, they say when taking revenge, you should dig two graves, one of them being yours.
As a mom dealing with a failure of a dad, you will feel more inclined to bad mouth your spouse in an attempt to discredit him.
Alternatively, you might confront him in front of the kids, citing all the things he doesn’t do and how irresponsible he is.
While this could make you feel good about yourself and keep the children in the loop of all happenings around the house, imagine the effect it is going to have on them.
They might harbour some resentments and even blame you if your outbursts push their father further away.
Instead, careful planning is important. Take time to come up with measures that will help both you and your kids.
If you are the child having to put up with a deadbeat dad, you can also take some time to figure out how to deal with him in a way that will not affect your future.
One thing is given, most deadbeat fathers come around. Being smart about your revenge will save you from the embarrassment of looking them in the eye with no guilt when they finally do.
Guess that is why they say “Revenge is a dish best served cold.” You will need to endure some more in order to devise the best plan.
In this post, I will highlight for you some of the best revenge ideas for a deadbeat dad.
(Remember, the goal is not to hurt them, even though that is what you might want to do most. My goal (with these ideas) is to get him to take responsibility for his kids as well as set a fine example for them).
Let’s dive right in…
1. Do Not Provide for Him
It is a man’s obligation to provide for his family. If your husband doesn’t pay the bills despite having a stable income, refrain from providing food or shelter for him.
You can choose to only cater to yourself and your children’s basic needs because they do not have to suffer for the ‘sins of their father.’
And when he tries to exploit your good side to get an allowance, just learn to say a bold “No”.
2. Take Legal Precautions
Do not be afraid to lawyer up if need be and take a deadbeat father to court.
Though you might feel remorseful since at the end of the day you both have a connection, keep in mind that seeking legal help will benefit your child.
A lawyer will keep you in the loop with all the charges you can place on an irresponsible father.
And when he tries to play the ‘innocent father’ card while pleading his case, a lawyer can push him to a corner, so to speak, without any attachments holding him/her back.
3. Confront Him
In the introduction, I mentioned it is not advisable to confront a deadbeat father in front of the children.
This does not mean that you cannot ask him to pay his dues.
You can privately approach him and question his actions.
It might be ignorance that makes him irresponsible, and you airing your grievances and making firm stands could push him to act.
4. Inspire Your Kids to Be Better
Even when we don’t tell them, our kids can single out failed dads.
When they bring up topics regarding their dads’ negligence, instead of using that opportunity to bad mouth him, just mold your child and inspire them to be the best versions of themselves.
5. Learn to Let Go
I’ve met people in my lifetime whose aim is to torment others—it brings them some sort of satisfaction when they pull others down.
This is the case with some deadbeat dads. They just want to make you and your kids feel insufficient in some way, and so they neglect their obligations to prove that you cannot survive without them.
The best thing you can do in such a case is to let go, and take on the entire parental responsibility for yourself.
Kids see this, and they will admire and love you more for it.
I learnt to be a better woman from seeing my mother take on the responsibility without complaining.
6. Set Boundaries
Limit a deadbeat father’s interactions with your children, especially when you realize his presence affects them negatively.
This will protect them from his outbursts and fault-finding.
True, you cannot keep kids away from their father, but protecting them from any harm, hurt, and disappointments is your obligation.
This might also be a wake-up call for him when he realizes how much he misses his kids.
7. Be A Better Parent
Do not let your pain and frustrations affect how you relate with your children.
Sometimes it is easy to get lost in anger and redirect it to your children.
At the end of the day, your children will end up despising you more than they do their father.
Use this opportunity to be what the dad is not to your children.
Provide for their financial and emotional needs—at least that way, they will have someone to look up to and imitate.
8. Have Clear Records of Your Interactions with Him
Deadbeat fathers have a tendency of finding fault in others.
Keeping records will come in handy when you take him to court, and protect you from his placing the blame on you.
If you are separated, record the number of times he picks up his kids and how much time he spends time with them. This also applies to records of his child support payments.
Forgiving is the best revenge there is. It leaves you with acceptance and peace of mind.
You can choose to forgive your father or husband and just live your life.
10. Track Him Down
If a deadbeat father just disappeared from his children’s life, take steps to track him down and take up responsibilities.
If he fails to do so, you can involve the law, and rest easy knowing he will take on his roles.
If a deadbeat dad realizes his mistakes and comes back before it’s too late, well and good.
If he doesn’t even after taking the above measures, let it be.
Just keep in mind that at some point the slap of regret will hit him, and he will try to make up for his absence and irresponsibility.
When that happens, the choice to forgive or not to will lie in your hands.