Money matters is a very sensitive topic in relationships.
In today’s society, a person’s income is often used as a determinant of their character.
When a man discusses his finances with a woman, he deviates from the norm that dictates men should refrain from disclosing such matters, particularly their financial affairs, to the women in their lives.
So, when he shares his finances with you, what does it truly signify?
Let’s explore what it reveals about him, your relationship, and how you should approach the situation.
First off, let’s delve into the expectations placed on men regarding finances based on their upbringing.
Social Norms
Generally, men do not share their finances with their wives or girlfriends. They operate with the notion that women intend to control how they spend their money.
There is also the constant fear that their finances will determine how women view and treat them.
Being brought up in a society that excludes women from financial responsibilities leaves a man at odds with his partner or spouse, where the woman would like to feel some sort of inclusion when it comes to finances, and the man works extremely hard to hide the weight of his pocket.
How often have we heard stories of men who concealed their investments and wealth from their wives?
One particular scenario comes to mind, where a man kept his substantial wealth hidden from his wife.
Unfortunately, he fell ill and required medical procedures.
However, due to the cultural context he was raised in, which opposed women’s involvement in financial matters, he remained in the hospital bed, witnessing his wife and children struggling to cover the mounting medical expenses.
Tragically, after his passing, his wife stumbled upon a surprising discovery while going through his clothes.
She found over $400 discreetly tucked away in one of his pants. It was only then that she learned about his secret investments and undisclosed funds in his bank account.
Despite her efforts to recover the hidden assets, much of it had been lost, and the process proved arduous and fruitless.
Eventually, she managed to retrieve the funds held in the bank, but only after enduring a long and exhausting ordeal.
This is how most men in our community are, and we really cannot blame them. After all, our upbringing shapes the people we grow up to be.
What if you met a man who is open about his finances? What does that say about him and your relationship?
What It Means
Now that we have established that it is generally frowned upon for a man to discuss financial matters with a woman, let’s explore the implications when he decides to share such sensitive information with you.
To begin with, this act signifies that he places complete trust in you. He feels assured that disclosing his financial situation will not impact your relationship negatively.
It is unfortunately not uncommon to encounter women who are solely interested in what their partners can provide for them.
However, in the context of your relationship, your genuine care for him creates an environment where he feels secure enough to share details about his finances.
The second reason is that you have demonstrated a genuine interest in him. This interest goes beyond a mere desire to know his income for exploitative purposes.
Instead, you actively inquire about his investment plans and interests, and you also reciprocate by sharing your own financial situation with him.
It does, however, matter when precisely in your relationship he discloses his financial situation.
Talking about finances when your relationship is firmly cemented, and things start to get serious is healthy.
You save yourselves some strains that come after marriage, making it easy for both of you to begin planning a future.
What if he talks to you about his income, investments, and wealth on your first date? Or maybe before you are even sure you’re interested in each other?
Well, this could be a red flag. Some men talk about their wealth to intimidate you, thus retaining “power” in your relationship.
Others only want to take advantage of your kindness, perhaps because you came through for them and are aware of your financial stability.
It is up to you to determine which is which. Whatever the case, it is never a good sign to talk about financial information early in a relationship.
How To Respond
Assuming you are aware that your man’s intentions are pure, how do you react to the information given to you?
When it comes to finances, one might choose to disclose their success or struggles, with the latter carrying more weight. Besides, no one is proud of their failures.
Your reaction should be in line with the information your man shares. What do I mean?
If a guy shares information about his success with you, it is important to demonstrate modesty, even if you feel proud of his achievements.
It is not the time to jump up and down, saying, “We are wealthy! This means our future is all set,” or have that sly smile that we ladies know very well.
Instead, just let him know you are impressed with his general outlook on financial investments and that he has made wise decisions.
When he mentions something that is still in progress, make it a habit to regularly check in with him and inquire about its progress.
Additionally, remember to offer words of commendation when he achieves a breakthrough in his endeavors.
And don’t hesitate to seek out savings and investment tips from him. There’s nothing that makes a man feel more masculine than having his woman look up to him with admiration and seek guidance in financial matters.
Now let’s say your man has been struggling for quite some time, and decides to share that with you. How should you respond?
Well, the key thing to remember is that men don’t talk about their hardships; it is believed to be a sign of weakness.
As I mentioned earlier, opening up means one thing: that he completely trusts you.
But your reaction and how you treat him from now on could make him feel as though he is less of a man.
This is where he is at his weakest, and you need to handle him with great care.
Contrary to what some women believe, when a man shares his financial struggles with you, he is not looking for a handout.
So, do not go taking out your checkbook and asking him how much he needs. He is just keeping you in the loop on what’s happening in his life.
Too much sympathy will leave him feeling incapable of providing for you.
Again, moderation in the emotions you display is important. If he cared for everything during your dates, do not reach for the check the next time you are out together. Do not start paying bills he took care of before around the house.
Everyone needs help at some point in life, men included. Why not sit down together and come up with a plan on how you can simplify your life?
Assure him that he still has your love and respect and that the struggle will not last.
Instead of telling him what you can do to make things better, ask him calmly if there is anything you can do to help out.
Encourage him with such words as, “I believe in you,” “You are a strong man,” and “I’ve got your back in whatever you choose to do.”
Whatever you do, never mention his struggles in a fight.
And unless he brings it up in conversation, avoid talking about the hardships he is going through.
Remember that it was hard enough for him to share that information, and he would not feel comfortable talking about it all the time.
What If There Is A Difference In Your Financial Status?
There have been instances where a man or woman makes more than their partner.
What effect should that have on a relationship?
Since the man is traditionally considered the head of the household, him earning more is hardly a concern for a woman.
It actually makes it easy for him to take good care of his woman comfortably.
But there is the issue of a woman being above the man in terms of finances. If you are the lady in such a situation, how should you handle it?
Regardless of your income or wealth, the most important quality in a woman is submission.
No one is against you spending your money however you like, but do not rub it on your man’s face.
Always appreciate the things he does for you—however little. And as I mentioned earlier, allow him to take charge.
True, you can spoil and surprise him every now and then but do not do it as though you are trying to prove a point that you are better.
I believe that relationships are a form of partnership, and can work as long as both parties play their roles as required, and have respect for each other regardless of their financial status.
The key takeaway for us ladies is to go with the flow. Take an interest in his finances, but do not overstep the boundaries by initiating the conversation.
Allow him to willingly let you in, and then take it from there.
Also Read: When the Woman is the Man in the Relationship: Navigating Challenges and Cultivating Equity
