Finding love is a quest we all engage in zealously. There is no guarantee of success, but when we find it, we give it our all to make it last.
One way we display our love for our partner is by getting into a commitment.
Every girl dreams of seeing her man down on one knee, asking for her hand in marriage.
And every man looks forward to waking up to his woman’s face till the end of time.
Naturally, once a proposal is a success, the next step is marriage.
Maybe you are one of the lucky few who have gotten to the ‘engaged’ phase of the relationship.
But sadly, your once enthusiasm to marry your fiancé has faded, and now you are unsure if you really want to commit to spending the rest of your life with them.
Lost and confused, you don’t know what to do. I mean, you already went out of your way and spent a fortune on that rock.
And if you are a chic, you already accepted his proposal and allowed him to put the ring on your finger.
This post is prepared to help you understand the fix you have found yourself in and figure out how to get out of it.
But first things first…why do you feel you don’t want to marry your fiancé anymore?
Let us evaluate things that could have led you to this point in your relationship.
What Could Have Gone Wrong?
I. You Said Yes In The Heat Of The Moment
This is the mistake most of us ladies make. We all know that love is not enough to sustain a marriage.
That is why we don’t marry anyone we fall ‘head over heels’ for.
Every girl (except a few) has, at some point in her life, had a dream about prince charming and her extravagant wedding.
Realizing that dream is an important achievement in a woman’s life.
The excitement brought by a proposal could easily close your eyes to the facts and cause you to say yes without a second thought.
However, over time as the excitement wears off, you wake up to the reality of what you committed to.
II. Fell Out Of Love
Change is inevitable. Growth brings about a change in interests, goals, and priorities.
You might have thought that your fiancé was everything you have ever wanted in life, only to realize after some time that you weren’t into them as you had thought.
Alternatively, maybe you really were in love, but as time goes by and changes start to take place in your life, you begin to lose interest in them.
No wonder it is essential to pass the ‘bloom of youth’ first before considering a serious relationship that could potentially lead to marriage.
III. Someone Else Holds Your Heart
You have probably heard the saying, “The heart wants what the heart wants.”
When you started out, you were madly in love with your fiancé, which is why you got engaged.
But after some time, you met someone new and fell in love.
It’s no crime, so don’t feel guilty.
It proves you don’t love your fiancé as much as you thought.
Or maybe you didn’t meet a new person. It’s an old lover who has returned to your life.
You were still holding on to your feelings for them, and now that they’ve come back, you’ve forgotten everything and everyone that came after them.
IV. Personality Issues
Did you know that people tend to relax and bring out their true selves once they get married?
It starts in the ‘engaged’ stage of any relationship.
That ring means your fiancé is hooked; they have nowhere else to go. That could be the case with your relationship.
Likely, your partner has unveiled their dark side, perhaps without their knowledge.
- Do you have trouble communicating?
- Is your fiancé trying to control your every move?
- Are their money-spending behaviors off the chart?
- Did your fiancé pretend to like something to please you?
- Are they rude, arrogant, selfish, or narcissistic?
Your subconscious likely notice these red flags and is protecting you from a life of pain and regret.
V. Fear Of Marriage
In the society we grew up in, there was this notion that one needs to marry before reaching a certain age.
As a result, some dive into a marital commitment before grasping what it entails.
You could have gotten engaged just to satisfy the societal expectation of you, but you still have your fears of marriage.
And as you talk about spending your future together as a married couple, you have come to realize that marriage is no picnic.
VI. Your Fiancé Wronged You
We all make mistakes that, in turn, hurt the people closest to us.
While some are just silly, others are hard to overlook and affect our relationships long-term.
Perhaps your fiancé hid something profound from you, or you caught them in a lie. Maybe he cheated on you.
If these things hurt and made you doubt his every word and action, you could view marrying them as a risk you are prepared to take.
The factors mentioned above are the most common reasons one might back off from marrying their fiancé.
Though calling the engagement off is not as easy as breaking up with someone you are merely dating, that should not hold you back.
I always say that it is easier to break off an engagement than to end a marriage.
Most unhappy people stay in bad marriages because of family and kids.
Interestingly, over half of those didn’t want to get married but were afraid to end the engagement.
And if they are lucky enough to end the marriage, divorce is a painstaking process that costs money and time.
Is there any point in settling down knowing you don’t want to spend the rest of your life with this person? Why deny yourself a chance at real happiness by compromising?
The following are steps you can take if you don’t feel like marrying your fiancé.
What You Should Do
1. Do Not Act Hastily
For you to get engaged, it means your relationship was serious.
Maybe you have already met with your fiancé’s family, and they have met yours.
Plans are underway for your wedding.
If you feel like calling things off, look closely at yourself.
You are likely going through some things affecting your perspective of your fiancé and the whole idea of marriage.
By thinking about it, you will uncover the real reason you feel like backing off.
It could be a phase that shall soon pass.
Maybe things between you have gone really fast, and you want to take your relationship at a pace you are comfortable with without necessarily ending the engagement.
2. Be Realistic
Do not be idealistic, imagining ways to make your marriage work, yet you are not mentally prepared to get into that commitment.
Marriage is full of tribulations, and you must be fully prepared to tackle them with your fiancé.
If you don’t feel ready for marriage, or you don’t find your fiancé worth the compromises you will have to make, it is better to end things now than later.
3. Consider Your Partner’s Feelings
You want to take your time to know for certain if you will marry your fiancé.
However, taking too much time will only hurt your fiancé more.
They look forward to marrying you, and so with each passing day, they are making plans to give you the best life they can.
The more time you take, the more invested they get.
By considering their feelings, you will end things as soon as possible so they can start the healing process, which will also help you in taking the steps that follow.
4. Help Your Fiancé Understand Why You Don’t Want To Marry Them
Some people argue that giving an explanation leaves you vulnerable to manipulation.
But put yourself in your fiancé’s shoes and think for a moment; wouldn’t you want your partner to help you understand why they are ending things?
Whether they wronged you or not, you love them, so you want what’s best for them.
Spare your fiancé the burden of thinking they are not good enough or that they did something wrong by helping them find closure.
Doing so will give you peace of mind and the courage to look them in the eye the next time you meet, and also help them understand where they could have gone wrong and where to improve in their next relationship.
5. Give The Ring Back
As a girl, there’s the temptation to keep the engagement ring as a souvenir, arguing that it helps you hold on to the good times you shared with your fiancé.
But that ring has strings attached, and as long as you hold on to it, your man will hold on to the hope of you getting back together.
Whether he insists on you keeping the ring or not, giving it back helps you both detach completely and move on with your lives.
Ending an engagement is heartbreaking, both to the one calling it off and the innocent party.
And the last thing you should do is stomp on another person’s heart because, in the end, it will come back to bite you.
Before ending things, make sure that your mind is made up.
Some things are unavoidable, like our fiancé’s mistakes that we can’t get past since they affect our future together.
Whatever your reasons for calling off the engagement are, if you don’t feel like getting married, don’t do it.
You will end up tormenting yourself and your spouse if you compromise.
And maybe next time, consider taking a step back and evaluating yourself before proposing or saying yes.