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Here Are 10 Reasons Why 30 Is The Decade Friends Disappear (& What To Do About It)

When we grow older, we often see our circle of friends disappear.

In childhood, making friends is relatively easy. We easily socialize when we chase each other on the playground or share toys. 

We often spend our 20s focusing on socializing and building relationships because we have more time to invest in our friendships. 

As we turn 30, we become committed to various responsibilities, and our lives transition from family responsibilities to changing interests, making it difficult to maintain friendships.

This busy lifestyle eventually causes friendships to disappear slowly leading to loneliness. 

Experts say friendships have essential impacts on health and general well-being such as reducing stress, providing support and companionship, improving a sense of belonging, and increasing your confidence.

The same studies show that older people with worthy friendships are more likely to have a longer life span than peers who have none. 

So, if you’ve ever wondered why your social circle has been disappearing from age 30 onwards, will cover some reasons this is happening and what to do about it.

Let’s dive right in…

1. Inability To Balance Career and Life Priorities

In the 30s, we strive to establish ourselves professionally so our careers become the focus.

Focusing on work most of the time leaves little time and energy for socializing or nurturing friendships. 

The long hours we take to meet the demand of deadlines and the desire to succeed consume most of our lives, thus making it impossible to maintain a healthy work-life balance, leading friendships to fall apart slowly.

What to Do

To ensure your friendship doesn’t go by the wayside, always preserve some time with friends.

Try to make your work flexible if possible.

Also, seek support from family or friends so that they will help where necessary.

2. Geographic Separation

Geographic distance is another major factor leading to vanishing friendships.

As we grow, friends move to different cities or even to other countries to get married, work, or study. 

This geographical separation can make planning regular meetups challenging, and with time the friendship deteriorates.  

What to Do

With the advancements in technology, for instance, the use of video calls, social media, and finding shared online activities, you can easily stay connected irrespective of physical distance.

3. Entering A New Relationship

The average marriage age for most people is 30 years according to Statista.  

Finding a new partner at this stage often require more time and energy to build and nurture it.

While focusing on building new connections, some friends may gradually get excluded over time, eventually resulting in their loss.

Equally, because a married couple often develops a shared social circle that revolves around each partner’s needs, other friendships may vanish with time.

What to Do

 You can navigate through this new phase by keeping open communication with friends to ensure that they feel valued and somehow feel included in your life.

 4. Mental Health Challenges

According to BBC, most people face a myriad of mental health challenges at age 30 because of work and relationship pressures. 

These often range from increased stress and anxiety to dealing with family responsibilities, work deadlines, and past traumas. 

These challenges can cause someone to display symptoms such as withdrawal, isolation, or struggle to connect with friends.

What to Do

It’s important to seek professional help when you withdraw from a family or friends. 

Additionally, it’s essential to communicate your struggles with your friends because they may show compassion.

Avoid isolating yourself by being around friends who can be empathetic and show support in the journey toward healing and growth.

5. Family Responsibilities

Family responsibilities are a transformative experience that can change our priorities and redesign our friendships.

When you become a mother or father, naturally your focus shifts to your children, and family, and also need to juggle between other schedules, leaving you with little time and energy for catching up with friends.

What to Do

While parenthood is a significant responsibility, it’s also crucial to preserve some time for self-care and socializing.

This can be done through building a support network with fellow parents and also attempting to maintain connections with previous friends even the ones who don’t have children.

 6. Differing Priorities and Hobbies

Our priorities and hobbies may change as we grow thus making our social circle shrink. 

We may find the things that we once enjoyed together with friends not appealing anymore. 

You find that during the 20s, many of us have more time to engage in various hobbies and interests, but this changes by the 30s, when the focus shifts to specific goals or interests. 

As you narrow your effort to what you find more interesting, it results to overlap of your friends’ passions or hobbies.

What to Do

Recognize that your new interests and hobbies are part of natural personal growth. 

Even though friendships will shift as a result, you can try to find common ground and engage in activities that both appeal to parties enjoy.

 7. Time Constraints and Busy Schedules

In our 30s, there are many responsibilities to take care of, making life appear whirlwind. 

Juggling between work, family, and personal goals, can be a challenging task for many making them unable to find time for socialization and maintenance of friendships.

What to Do

Even though your calendar is demanding, always create some time to mingle with friends at work or home.

Even just making a phone call or going for a short coffee break can make a big difference.

 8. Lack Of Effort To Communicate

Just like anything else that requires maintenance, friendships also need attention. It requires effort to bloom. 

However, with the busy schedules that come with adulthood, it’s easy for friendships to take a backseat. 

The lack of effort to connect or even check friends regularly as you used to do before in your 20s is another contributor to the dying friendship.

If you can’t spare some time to communicate, it sends a message that we do not value the relationship as much as it once did.

What to Do

 Communication from time to time is key to ensuring the friendship is in tuck.

Else, it can cause misunderstandings, and ultimately, the breakdown of the relationship.

Related: How Often Should You See Friends in Your 30s?

 9. Different Beliefs And Ideologies

Our values, beliefs, and ideologies may develop as we grow older. 

For instance, at younger ages, children or young adults form friendships based on things they share such as attending the same school or partaking in similar activities. 

However, in the 30s, values and beliefs shift to specific philosophies that one finds fascinating.

And if your friends don’t share the same passion, they may find you boring making your friendship fade away.

What to Do

Recognize that as human beings, we all have different values and beliefs, and it’s unnecessary to share the same ideologies to be in the same circle.

Additionally, it requires tolerance, respect, and an inclination to engage in meaningful conversations irrespective of our beliefs.

 10. Spending Much Time On Gadgets

Although technology has played a significant role in bringing people together, it also hurts people’s lives.

Instead of meeting up with friends physically, the majority spend too much time scrolling devices, which ultimately affects our friendships.

What to Do

Make yourself available to friends. Connect or meet friends in public places even if it is just during weekends.

Accept invitations, and volunteer in community projects such as hospitals, charity organizations, etc.

Closing Thoughts

As we navigate life responsibilities, changing priorities, and personal growth in our 30s, some friendships may naturally disappear.

However, it’s important to remember that we should learn how to create space to stay connected with friends so that we can build a strong social network that provides support for life whether in our 30s or beyond.

Kenyalogue Contributor


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